Life In The Wild with Michael Bethany
Inspiring exceptional people to live exceptional lifestyles.
Life In The Wild with Michael Bethany
Ep202 | Wildly Devoted Pt:2 | How To Be A Supportive Spouse
Dive into an insightful conversation with Michael and Chavon as they explore dynamics of marriage, ministry, and personal development. Unveiling the idea that marriage serves as a tool for the sanctification of God's perfecting grace, they emphasize the importance of encouraging husbands to connect with mentors in advanced stages.
Chavon shares invaluable wisdom on navigating the complexities of being a supportive wife to an exceptionally talented and influential husband. The discussion touches on the pitfalls of relying solely on platform talent, emphasizing the sustaining power of the gift of administration.
Join this intimate conversation, discovering practical insights on marriage, mentorship, talent development, and the importance of intentional growth for a successful and extraordinary life journey.
Socials
Instagram: @LifeInTheWildPodcast @MichaelBethanyOfficial
TikTik: @LifeInTheWildPodcast @MichaelBethanyMusic
Overflow Album
Apple Music
Youtube
Spotify
Website
www.MichaelBethany.com
Life in the Wild Podcast Episode 1: Travis Greene (Killing Vain Ambition)
MERCH - https://www.lifeinthewildpod.com/
JOIN THE TRIBE - https://www.michaelbethany.com/mentor...
CONNECT WITH MICHAEL
Website: https://www.michaelbethany.com
You've got to have people and to have people to challenge you to invest in areas that people don't publicly pray. Thank you, jesus, thank you God. To God be the glory, to God be the glory, and I want to speak that over your life right now, god's mercy is holding everything in place. I know it may seem chaotic, but you don't understand that it could be so much worse than what it is right now, and the mercy of God has you watching this podcast. The mercy of God got your eyes peeled to this because you could have been in a different place, and the grace of God is working through the words I'm speaking.
Speaker 1:I didn't plan to say this, but God planned for you to hear it For your address. You're not even in the same country I'm in and God still reached you through technology. That is grace. And why, michael Bethany? How is it? Can I just be prophetic To the person I'm talking to right now? I'm please inbox me and let me know when you get this. How is it that God used the person?
Speaker 1:And I'm not super famous, I'm not the biggest gospel of Christian worship artist by far, but for some reason you're in Africa, you're in Indonesia, you're in another country and somehow you've been watching me for years. You've been watching these YouTube videos. You found this guy in the States and now you've, because you saw that music. Oh, you stumbled your way to life in the wild podcast and you're watching season two. It's because the grace of God works through the details. You don't even know how to how, you don't have to know how to get there. The grace of God moves you when you're not even moving. He leads you, he makes you lie. You know, in Green Pastor, like he, literally, he leads you, yes, and he's leading you right now, to this very moment, to ensure that you get this word in your heart there's nothing wrong with you, yes, I love you, yes, I'm for you, and everything you thought was lost. I have the power to read it.
Speaker 3:So good.
Speaker 1:Everything you thought was lost due to the actions that you're guilty of. I can turn it around and make it seem like everything was working according to plan, because all things still work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose. And what the enemy thought he was doing for your demise, god is taking and repurposing for your good.
Speaker 3:So good.
Speaker 1:And amen to that.
Speaker 3:Amen Amen.
Speaker 1:Well, I don't know where you are. Whatever you want to say, whatever you got to say, so yeah, that's just a.
Speaker 3:isn't that a beautiful picture of the gospel, though it is, you know and this isn't what I talked about saying, but we've talked about this before and about how a marriage, a Christian marriage, should be another tool for the gospel to work and be on display. You know, and so.
Speaker 1:I would even dive a little bit deeper and say their marriage is a tool of sanctification.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:It's a tool of God's perfecting grace.
Speaker 3:Oh, another book recommendation Sacred Marriage.
Speaker 1:Come on.
Speaker 3:Oh, and I don't forgot who wrote that one. But man, ladies, that's a good one, especially if you have a spouse that's really struggling with their relationship with God. That's a good book.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's go back to this. You found books.
Speaker 3:Well, not just books. So the next thing I wanted to bring, just kind of give the ladies books for me from my mindset to help me kind of track where Michael was, and what I did my best to do then is to also help encourage him to build relationships with men that I saw that were in more advanced stages.
Speaker 2:And see.
Speaker 3:See, here's another thing the book did for me this dude over.
Speaker 3:I love it.
Speaker 3:So if you because here's the challenge If you don't have an outside perspective, again, ladies, trust your instincts, but not necessarily your judgments or your conclusions You'll think that someone being a friend to your husband or a mentor to your husband is a good thing because he seems more advanced in his career, maybe more advanced financially, maybe more advanced in certain areas.
Speaker 3:But when it comes to character development, there are certain characteristics of the warrior man, of the sage man, that you won't understand until you get someone else from the outside to just give you a roadmap, so as many men around him that are in more advanced stages that you can encourage. So, ladies, just just work with me, talk, even if he bonds with that other man doing things that you may not necessarily like. Like hey, he found a mentor and they like to go play video games together. He found a mentor. They like to go golf he found a mentor. And maybe it causes him to be away from you, maybe a little longer than what you may like. Guess what, if he's with a man in a more advanced stage, he's going to come back a better man.
Speaker 1:Okay, so who do you recall that was for me? I'll give you three.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, you already know.
Speaker 1:We may have to bring one or all of these guys on the podcast this is. This has become all about y'all looking at all of my development. So you go, you're going to get just the stages of Michael Good grief. So who? Who are those people that you can recall? Dad Titus dad Larry Titus Shout out he.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna call him dad.
Speaker 1:But we call him dad he's, he's a he's. A lot of people all over the country Call him dad yes. I went on a trip with Larry Titus. We went to Brazil. I was invited to do a live recording. What was it? No, it was Well, I guess it was live recording. It was recorded with a small audience there, brazil, all the songs in Portuguese, except for the songs I was singing. And then, amazing I and I learned a little Portuguese for that as well.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that was cool.
Speaker 1:So I do this recording and he accompanies me because they've been to Brazil a lot. So the artists are the pastor, virginia that was doing this, her, no husband. We meet when we first get there the first day, we sit down in a Brazilian barbecue spot and it's yeah, you don't talk about. So we sit down in one of the real spots and I'm gonna tell you about that cheese bread, that bread, wow. So we're eating the bread and before the dinner was over, they were like they don't know this, they don't know him. They just met him. They were like in Portuguese, getting someone to translate to him who was accompanying me. Will he be their spiritual father too?
Speaker 3:Wow, and I'm like he didn't say anything. A beautiful thing.
Speaker 1:What did he do? It was just something that he carries, yeah, that he people can tell this is a guy who not only has something that's valuable, but is willing to share it.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, larry Titus all day Shout out Terry Bays.
Speaker 1:Terry. I got a nickname for Terry, but I'm going to keep that to myself. Go ahead, terry. Terry, I love you, man.
Speaker 3:I think you've had some good pastors.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, for sure. I think, as far as just personal relationship, mentorship, I would say those at the top two, you've had good friends too. You're late best friend Risha Risha Nunley Able family Believed in me like nobody. Now, he wasn't necessarily you guys were in the same kinds of stages, but he was. He was also trying to grow and develop.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:So y'all were, you know, at the same level, but he was a few years older than me, so he was always right out in front of me yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and yeah, we're together. Yes, yes, we did. Yeah, and I would say Able Penia Able, yes, oh absolutely, he's been a good friend. Yeah, do you have some?
Speaker 1:Well, I just want to make sure I add to this that Larry Titus is 80 years old. So I just don't want, I don't want y'all to miss out on that. That man is is nearly 40 years my senior. So when she says finding someone, I don't mean like someone. That, first of all, when she was talking about someone playing video games, that's not him, we're, we don't. When we get together, we eat and talk. That's what he's like. We might go to Africa together. He's going to preach yeah, that's. We may go to London.
Speaker 3:Accidental.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying those are places we've been. I'm not, I'm not flex. I'm just saying, you know, we just so happen to fly, you know we went over there. But my point is it's it's not about finding someone who you think is cool.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:Or or relevant culturally, Right. It's finding somebody who has what you need Like, yeah, yes, Terry, Terry, Terry, he's in this sixties, Right. What's up, folks? I hope you guys are enjoying the podcast. I just wanted to stop for a moment to talk about the overflow live album that was released in June of 2023. This album was was one that really was in my heart for years, and it's been a beautiful thing to see the songs that I've lived with, wrote and and processed and worked on release and finally come out and see people listening to it and being blessed by it. So I want you guys to be blessed by this album. You can listen on all the streaming platforms. One of my favorite ways of listening to this album is is watching on YouTube and actually reliving the live recording. So check it out on YouTube, Apple Music, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon, all those places. I know you guys don't love it. I bless y'all Peace.
Speaker 3:And I'm going to say this to even personality wise don't get hung up on that, because we don't need to have the same kind of personality. Because I'm thinking about people like Pastor Bellamy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, marcus Bellamy, thank you.
Speaker 3:You know, people that were what you would call pencil pushers and, you know, not creative at all.
Speaker 1:And Marcus Bellamy. When I got to Oakley Bible Fellowship for the step that he was there with me. He was the person he was like. For all intents and purposes he's like the executive pastor. He was like he was running a lot of stuff. Smart guy Very smart guy and when I first met him I thought, ah, we ain't gonna click he's lame. Dang, I didn't say that I can almost give you the.
Speaker 2:Kevin Hart All right, all right this is.
Speaker 3:This is not creative. He's not out of the creative.
Speaker 1:Let's stop it. Don't say nothing else about Marcus Bellamy. Okay, don't you say nothing about Marcus. Okay, I love you, marcus. Marcus is, marcus is one of the smartest guys and like he is administrative of mine is off the charge. And he looked at me and said you have a gift of administration. I was like coming from you. And he just started telling me by myself, this guy, that I never thought he don't sing. He don't write Exactly.
Speaker 3:He's not creative, yet he don't do none of that.
Speaker 1:He don't paint.
Speaker 3:I'm not that. I'm a werewolf. He wears suits every day.
Speaker 1:He wears suits and ties. He wears everything that I'm not gonna wear the neck vest. Now I got one, but I'm not gonna wear a shirt under it. You know all the different things. It's like it wasn't his vibe, it was his wisdom.
Speaker 3:That's it.
Speaker 1:And not only the wisdom, but his willingness to share it with me.
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 1:Because wisdom is universally applicable.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:And the wisdom that God had given him worked for me. Yep, he was the person I had I had. To that point, I had really become a greater asset to the kingdom that I was aware of.
Speaker 3:I just needed someone who I admired to say so, and that's going back to again, ladies, what I talked about earlier, so drawing out the heart of your husband as an individual, because for Michael, he grew up first in the engineering field.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And it was a talent and a skill that he had. Well, fast forward to the season that we were in when we met this gentleman. He wasn't necessarily being recognized for that first, but another man of wisdom was able to draw that out of his heart and to develop that, so yeah, Because here's when it comes to being a platform talented person.
Speaker 1:You'll see this in the book. It's a very specific term I'm using because it's something when someone has an ability that everyone wants to showcase they can dance oh you gotta people gotta see that or exploit another platform. Okay, here we go, here we go. That's my, that's. That's Shavar talking right now. When people see you do that thing, oh yeah, you got to have him over. He's gonna do that, he gonna sing. Oh he can play that boy, I can't play.
Speaker 1:He gonna play. You know, when you have that type of thing, people will praise your platform talents and ignore the other giftings that God has given you, so much so that you will ignore them too. Things that you do in private, that no one celebrates, you won't showcase. And not only will you not showcase them, you won't develop them Because they don't bring you praise and at the time maybe they don't bring you money, they don't bring you notoriety. I never came out bragging. Hey, guess what designs I did this week? I worked on a hospital. No one cared about the hospital that I designed the power distribution and lighting for. No one cared. Guess what? I learned how to calculate elevators and no one cared. They wanted to hear me sing and maybe preach or teach or do something in ministry, but having someone look at me and say, oh, push that stuff aside for just a second, it ain't going nowhere. But that's something else I think we've overlooked. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And you have that, and it takes a person with a level of wisdom to not insult or you know, you just push your talents aside but to also call out something else. Because what I have found is the talents in and of themselves, from a platform standpoint, are never strong enough to really live alone. The platform for that talent is the gifting of administration. That's good. If you're gonna be a successful artist, if you're gonna be a successful worship leader, if you're gonna be a successful pastor, you need some other abilities to be as sharp and as intentionally developed as the talent you're platforming. If you platform a talent on top of a compromised integrity, the stage is gonna fall.
Speaker 3:Someone that's talented, but they're still. They haven't conquered the final stage.
Speaker 1:Hold on talented but undeveloped.
Speaker 3:Come on.
Speaker 1:Talented but undisciplined. You don't have enough on the platform to hold your talent. Your talent's too heavy to be set on top of something as weak as the type of character that you now possess. You've gotta have people and to have people to challenge you, to invest in areas that people don't publicly praise.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's good, that's so important yeah, so good.
Speaker 1:Thank you for reminding the folks, I've got engineering skills in my bag.
Speaker 3:You do, I really do, and your son's in too.
Speaker 1:Yes, my boy is doing and we encourage our kids to do other things. They're both musically talented and gifted, but we understand. We were just talking the other day with our son. I was like, okay, he's like, I wanna do music and I wanna study theology. You would think I'd be like, yes, I was like, okay, that's great, that's great. But let me tell you about the other things I did. Right, I worked at McDonald's. Okay, I learned how to communicate in a corporate space. I learned how to organize. I learned how to talk to people who don't know me enough to like me. Come on. I learned how to garner their respect by my work and not my parents' reputation or by my denomination or by my ability to sing. When I went into a family American insurance and I was taking all those documents and processing them and creating everything because they were going digital, they did not want me to sing. You can't sing in that office. Hush, be quiet.
Speaker 3:We're working.
Speaker 1:Okay, you need to be focused, and I could not smile and say, praise the Lord, they don't listen. I'm not a Christian, I'm paying you for the job and I am a believer and I still don't want to hear it. I need you to go to your desk and work, and so the point is I'm teaching them to be well-rounded in their development so they have enough structure beneath to hold whatever God's gonna do with that platform talent.
Speaker 3:So good.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you have really you've taken us to a really good place. I'm not sure how long we've been talking.
Speaker 3:Praise God.
Speaker 1:I'm enjoying everybody. How long were we at?
Speaker 2:Hour and two minutes, okay, whew.
Speaker 1:My goodness. Okay, all right, we got a few questions. We're gonna take some questions. Is there anything else that the Lord has placed on your heart that you would like to share?
Speaker 3:No, I feel like we've explored a lot.
Speaker 1:Let me just say how much I appreciate you and the wisdom you have brought to this podcast on this day, on this very day. You have made me so proud. Oh, thank you, baby, and I'm so relieved because I had no idea what we were going to talk about. No, all right, so let's do this. Let's transition for a moment. Someone is telling us that we have questions. That means you got questions.
Speaker 2:Yeah, You're on two things. Right, You're on almost. I have something for you to write this comment that could get you a problem. But, Michael, what? No, this is for both of y'all. What do you do when all of those stages are colliding in a man at the same time? Meaning, y'all talked about the four stages of men based on a book.
Speaker 2:I have a read the book Based on the descriptions of what you said. I've seen those play out in different men and sometimes they're going through a trauma and they're still working through. I understand their sexuality, I understand their maturity, all the different layers you're talking about.
Speaker 1:How do you navigate when those four layers are hitting the road when there's overlap Overlap, ok. So I'm glad you asked that question. Here is something that is so important Because most of us don't really understand what stage we're in when we're in it. We're not intentional about growing and developing so that we can be prepared for the next. So what happens is you don't have to graduate from the phallic stage, you can take that undeveloped phallic stage into your warrior season. And so now you're in the season where you should be conquering but just deal with struggling Well-preached.
Speaker 1:And now you struggle with your identity, maybe your sexuality, maybe your sexual integrity, but you're supposed to be working and focusing on starting a business and starting a church and maybe doing something in the community Number thing. Now you're doing that, but your focus and passions are not focused Because now you're still struggling privately. So when you struggle privately you tend to lack confidence publicly, because now the place where you would draw that confidence is conflicted, because you know you were up late last night you arguing with your wife. You haven't done the things you should do, and now what you're presenting is a little less than authentic. But then you get wounded Because now you're making mistakes. You're doing things like that. These things can overlap. I think it's important to stop where you are get some help and go back to where you needed to develop first.
Speaker 1:For me, I was not able to move forward until I went back to the boy who had a broken identity and help heal him, so that we can then fight.
Speaker 3:And can I bring something up with that, and I hope you're OK with me sharing this.
Speaker 1:Please share One of the most powerful In my expense. I'm OK, start over. Start over In my expense, please.
Speaker 3:One of the most powerful things I witnessed is again when I talked about trust. Your instincts, but not necessarily your judgment or your conclusions is when we're going through a tough stage in our marriage. I thought the problem was one thing, but it wasn't until you and I went to counselors at Covenant Church when they told you Mike, you need to go through grief counseling. Go back For your biological mom.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 3:And that life event happened when you were two.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:They said we're not going to keep talking about the marriage. That's good and that's great. But no, Mike, you need to go back. And I watched you immediately get signed up, go through that process, Trying to make me cry. It was not easy. I know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:I'm going into the wild.
Speaker 2:I'm going to get out of here I'm going to get out of here, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:What is that?
Speaker 1:You're having nothing to say Because I have to do something.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, so it's real.
Speaker 1:I had to go to group therapy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, grief counseling.
Speaker 1:And grieve my mother, who passed when I was a baby.
Speaker 3:Because there were certain stages that again someone from the outside, they were able to look at him and track. Ok, you got stuck here, you're in an emotional rut, let's go back and let's process through. And it was powerful. And I just want to say this when I'm crying that but I didn't realize, because Isaiah was young then, we hadn't had anything yet. But our boys can be who they are today and who they're becoming, because you back then decided to encourage it in faith. Go through the process.
Speaker 1:Do you not realize that the beginning of my healing, when it comes to my sexuality and its sexual integrity was going to grief therapy? Grieving the loss of my biological mother, you know. This is the reason you have to be careful telling somebody something's wrong with them.
Speaker 3:Come on now.
Speaker 1:Because what you might be looking at is them acting out of a traumatic experience that they could not help. I wanted to talk and I came into that counseling. Yeah, we, we.
Speaker 3:I got a problem.
Speaker 1:It's me. I never even mentioned any of the issues, but I wasn't thinking about my mother, and the more they asked about me, they were like oh man, it was like for the first time someone looked at me and told me oh no, it's not, that is this. Oh, we're so sorry that it's happened to you. That's helped you. They wanted to help me with something I didn't even know was broken. Yeah, yeah. So now I'm sitting in like I don't know. It was eight weeks.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was.
Speaker 1:It was a good two or three months Of a group therapy session every week with people who had recently lost someone.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah and I. But here's what I found, Siobhan. They told me, when you lose someone like that, especially a parent, you don't feel like it's OK to say some things you want to say. Not only were you traumatized, you've been silenced.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You weren't even allowed to talk about it, you weren't allowed to be angry. I had to go through those emotions, like it just happened I had to be. By this time my father had passed away and my mother had passed away. So now I got to go through the grief process of both of them and say things about my father, who was now a hero because he's in heaven.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:You ain't supposed to sit in it about your daddy. He's in heaven.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's tough.
Speaker 1:He got his wings.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That ain't in the Bible. Ok, your daddy got his wings. Keep your mouth off, your daddy, he got his wings. Every time you hear bell ring, oh, no, that means another angel got his wings.
Speaker 1:Your daddy just got his wings Ding, ding. That was so silly, but I had to. Then they made it safe for me to speak, as not speak as an adult. They let me speak as a child. So I was able to start healing and eventually we were able to talk about OK, now let's get to this. This a more current issue about how you see yourself, how you deal with your sexuality, how you deal with your identity, and to see that journey go from season to season and to be where I am right now and to know. I just, just, from me, tell you that from our own personal experience, we've walked through these things, and something you lost could very well be the thing that's got you locked up. Siobhan, thank you for pointing that out.
Speaker 2:That's powerful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that's freeing and liberating for people to know, as it was for me, because here it is. I wasn't all better after that therapy, but I was a lot better Like I was a lot easier to live with, I had a clearer mind and I was on a better trajectory.
Speaker 3:I feel like a part of you had gotten reconnected. That's what it felt like yeah absolutely.
Speaker 1:So Okay, I keep saying, you have anything else, because everything you say, everything you say is so good, thank you.
Speaker 3:Praise God for the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:Well, I love the baby.
Speaker 1:My man, oh, okay that's, that's big, that's big, that's big. Straight on this.
Speaker 2:Yeah this is important.
Speaker 3:Okay, so. So I want to highlight a couple things you said, because I'm not growing anybody up, I'm not Not Developing anybody, you know, and I know A lot of women struggle with that, because they think that they're the ones, ladies, we are not God. Okay, and so what you're doing is you're creating a fertile environment For his growth, should he choose to grow. Okay, so my disposition of humility and service is out of my love for God, and he tells me in his kingdom, the greatest is a servant, the greatest has a servant's heart.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:My culture, even though I have a culture which is my skin color. My highest and my best and my greatest culture is the culture of christ, and the bible tells me how to love. Over the years, I've chosen to surround myself with women that also have my culture, so I am acting out my culture. I'm acting out was natural to me now because, out of my love for God, I I rejected Models, even if they're my skin color. If you're not my culture, I'm not going to allow you to influence me and speak into my life.
Speaker 1:So that's that's not a race thing.
Speaker 3:No, it's not, because I mean.
Speaker 1:I love the skin.
Speaker 3:I mean, don't get me wrong, and you guys know, people that know me know I have natural hair.
Speaker 1:You know I love my people. She'll come in this podcast with a rap Like a whole african I sure will yeah, yeah. So let me just point this out the nature of this conversation is about my wilderness journey, so a lot of our conversation is is being directed to how she helped me. She's not talking about her journey necessarily on. See, you understand, and here's an overlap that I don't even know if we have time to dig into. But while I've got my wilderness thing to figure out, she had one too.
Speaker 3:Absolutely so.
Speaker 1:I got a chance to get both versions of shivan. Mm-hmm the, the shivan you get today.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:That's not the same shivan that I got how many years ago?
Speaker 3:Well, if it's 2024, now going on 22 20, almost 22 years this year. So okay, I suppose like this Well, if you include our dating time 26,.
Speaker 1:okay, so let's just let's put this thing, let's put this thing down the middle. The last 10 years has been very different than the first. Yes, so the the point is that she had to wrestle in her own context, and then there's an ongoing process that we both participate in. As a husband, the, the environment you set for her. It gives her the opportunity, should she so choose exactly.
Speaker 1:To grow. I've learned something. I talked to a lot of my friends and I remember one time in particular Uh, and you, I don't, if you remember this we were moving and a buddy of mine was with us and you wanted we were moving in.
Speaker 1:And you wanted a piece of furniture in a place I knew it did not belong. I have this ability to let you know engineering design. I can see spaces and I know that ain't gonna fit over there. Yeah, that makes no sense. Yeah, but it was. It was in the heat of the moment and she got Huffy puffy in front of my boy.
Speaker 3:I was like because, because, ladies, I was born type a in very strong will listen. So just don't just know that what you see today is the work of the holy spirit, amen.
Speaker 1:Come on now. That's that's. That's the tip of the table. I want you to cry, I ain't. I'm done crying. I'm done with this. Let's talk about your wilderness.
Speaker 3:No, we don't have enough time. How I?
Speaker 1:got over. I'm uh, listen how she got over, not me. I'm just so it's your turn. So he that's. This story is so powerful because he was just asking me Before we walked in the house how do you deal with your wife when it seems like she just Won't give? Like she's just, and he just was like this gonna, and so we got in the house and it's snow sooner.
Speaker 2:We got in that room, uh-huh you started showing up, I was like, I was like, oh, oh what's today?
Speaker 1:What time of the month is this? Oh, this is. This is the 20th. I think this must be the 20th. This is got to be, this got to be around the 20th, 25th. Okay, man, what real quick track, your ladies track, track it what time of the month, because you have you, you have to know when to hold them come on.
Speaker 1:Because you can't win. Okay, and it's the certain time of the month. What I'm trying to say, can you hear me when I'm trying to? No, no, we don't care what you're trying to say. So that happens.
Speaker 1:We walk out and I demonstrated real time. I said man, listen, I don't have to respond, I'm not going to give energy to that. She's upset. I don't know what's going on here. I'm just gonna go in, I'm gonna put it where she asked and now talk to her about it later. That's a word.
Speaker 1:Now, what would you call that? Is that me being a punk? No, is that me being less than a man? Is that me not being masculine? Is that me putting up with toxic femininity? No, it's called wisdom. It's called I don't have to win this. That's no urgency for her to agree with me in this moment. So I'm moving and we go back in. I place it where she wants it. Are we walk back out, get some more furniture the next time we walk in. This is literally under five minutes. She apologizes. Holy ghost got me. She was like you know what, I don't know what got into me. I shouldn't have said that. You're right, that doesn't go there. Wherever you want to put it, babe, and he looked at me, was like you're right, it worked. And I was like thank you, because I'm like goodness she's showing I don't.
Speaker 2:I was just telling this guy.
Speaker 1:How good of a man. What better example than him to see us resolve and petty conflict? Yeah, but here's now, here's here. Here is the lesson Don't give the energy back. Yeah, yeah, we've talked about this before. It stands to be repeated the circle of causality. Yeah, this is when someone does something you don't like and then you give a reaction. Um-hmm, when you react, not respond, you spend the cycle. Then they don't like what you did. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, and the cycle ensues. I've learned stop the cycle. And this is great for men.
Speaker 1:When you, when you're talking about dealing with a woman in a sensitive moment where her emotions may be getting the best of her, you need to use the best of you and compartmentalize and stop the cycle. That's good. Here's another way of putting it go to hawaii in your mind For just a few minutes. Let her get the rest of that out. Listen and I hear her out. Respond and say well, you know what I love you, you know we'll get through. It's opposed to you saying you know what I don't like this and let me tell you what I feel. That's not gonna get you nowhere, but my point is even in those moments, it's the environment that I'm trying to set for her to feel safe. Yeah, and when a woman? Can I preach here? When a woman feels safe, it's not when a woman knows she's right right.
Speaker 1:It's when a woman knows she's safe, even when she's not right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, it's good.
Speaker 1:That's when you start getting the kind of woman that you see right there.
Speaker 3:That's the truth I mean. And another thing not to get twisted. When you, when it's important enough, you will say what needs to be done after considering my input, Getting wisdom, and you'll stand on your two feet and you will not.
Speaker 1:But there it is, and that is a blessing. Hold on, I'm gonna the wing. Hold on. We got to keep this because I want to conclude this moment. I'm gonna go get the door. You want to see who's here.
Speaker 3:Oh, it's this, Mr Rogers. I don't know, I think it's.
Speaker 1:I think it's there.
Speaker 3:Oh, awesome, tying is perfect.
Speaker 1:They're right on time, hey guys.
Speaker 3:Hi friends.
Speaker 1:Right in the middle of finishing this final part of the podcast. Your tying is perfect, All right, I just want to know that this is real. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3:Hi, hi everybody, hello Say hello.
Speaker 2:Hello, hi, I'm gonna do the one Stop.
Speaker 3:It's no good.
Speaker 2:It's no good, you're still going and they're talking about marriage.
Speaker 3:And we're talking about marriage.
Speaker 2:I don't know what to do sir, I promise you.
Speaker 1:Oh, thank you. Yeah, there it is. Where was I? What was I saying?
Speaker 3:When it's something that's important. Oh no, no, you're right, you will lead here it is.
Speaker 1:I do not waste my bullets.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's exactly Exactly.
Speaker 1:Don't fire. Yeah, hold them. You don't need them. Yeah, you don't need to use power when you can use grace.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You don't need to use power when you can lose your sensitivity. Yeah, you don't need to use that. That's what I'm saying. Like that, that positional authority of I'm a man. I don't need to do that. What I need to do is make her feel safe safe enough to submit to me.
Speaker 3:To receive that leadership.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and sometimes what that means is allowing her to say what she needs to say. Here it is. It doesn't. Her thoughts are not a threat to me. It's not a threat. I can recall sitting down having a conversation and she was saying things and she was, and without the way I was hearing it, they all to me at first sound like she is tearing me apart. And then the Holy Spirit said no, she's not. She's sharing with you her perspective and how she feels. She's not talking about you. Yes, she's talking about herself.
Speaker 3:That's good, that's good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, isn't that like a relief?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I can sit here and listen to her. Is it complaining?
Speaker 3:If you want to look at it that way, Because, remember, I'm the oldest of five, so I had no issues growing up being able to speak freely, very freely, and if, you do have a I don't want to say boss chick, but if you have type A personality. That's why yes.
Speaker 1:Who feels free to speak.
Speaker 3:Yes, okay.
Speaker 1:Now what all that means is you have to be free enough to listen, and I have learned that listening costs me nothing but it profits me everything. If I listen until she feels safe, then she'll hear me. But not only that. I get to hear the Holy Spirit, because it's hard to listen to God when you move in your gypsies, like when you just you get to talking. It's hard to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit tell you anything.
Speaker 1:Sometimes your wife is telling you exactly what she needs. As she's lamenting, she's saying when my wife I learned to interpret, she used to tell me this. I missed it for years. She would tell me all I want is a hug. Now, that's not all the time, there's some. You know what I mean. So she, sometimes you know a hug will lead to things, but no, that's me, that's me, that's no, that's mine, that's mine, I own that. I don't want just a hug. No, no, I need it all. Never. Okay, but that's me, hold me. I'm sorry, but she, she, she would tell me like you respond out of offense when I really needed you to respond out of sensitivity. I need help, I'm not okay, I need love, I need hugs, I need hugs, I need all those things and I learned to do that for her and to be someone she can feel safe with. So, anyway, I love this. Where were we at Hector? How are we on time? This one is at hour 25. Wow, we've been talking for a minute, so, listen. I want to say thank you guys so very much for hanging out with us. This has been an incredible podcast because I think you guys are getting a chance to see, getting a chance to see why I'm writing the book life in the wild, like, why, like it's not.
Speaker 1:This book is not about being a better praise and worship leader. I don't. I don't say anything in this book about leading worship I don't even talk about. You know, I don't mind this because I think a lot of times I'll do conferences and events and I'll talk about those things. A lot of times people want to know how do you sing fast songs or how you transition between songs, or tell me about spontaneous worship and tell me how you prophetically do this. Or tell me about PCO and how you organize and how you lead, and I think those things are valuable and I can teach you those things. And we can talk about artistry and songwriting, but if you learn all those things and you don't know how to navigate the personal space of your heart and how to embrace your wilderness?
Speaker 1:I'm not talking about a wheel or wilderness season. I'm not talking about a bad time in your life, you're trying to get through. I'm talking about a permanent place of growth. If you don't get that, you won't get this. It doesn't matter how good you are at whatever you think you want to do, you will never succeed beyond the level of your personal integrity. It will catch up with you and expose you, and I think that will be for your benefit, because I believe God allows some things to happen to stop us in our tracks. And I think about myself. There were seasons, a one-time period in particular, that I was hoping I would get a record deal. I was doing everything I could to get this album out. I did everything I could do. I talked to everyone I could talk to and it seemed like nothing would work.
Speaker 1:Can I tell you why sometimes those things you do don't work? Maybe God is standing in your way. Maybe it's not you doing more work. Maybe it's not you singing well enough. Maybe it's not you being a better musician or a better producer. Maybe it's not you being a better speaker or preacher. Maybe God is standing in your way and maybe he's standing in your way to protect you from ruining your own reputation.
Speaker 1:Perhaps, like myself, I'm not preaching at you. I'm only telling you my testimony. Maybe you're not as ready as you think you are. Maybe a part of you is not as complete as your talent is. Oh no, your talent was ready 10 years ago, but your character 25% and the grace of God, by His mercy, will hold you until you get to the 75. Because that's what your ministry is all about. What's going to protect you from making the worst decisions won't be your talent. Your talent will prematurely expose you to an opportunity for decision you're not ready to make. That's my story and that is the reason I'm working on this book and that is the reason I want to give this to you, because these are chapters and pages like right out of my life that I believe is going to be a blessing to you Both in the wild. The book working on it right now, today, as of today, lanisha Darius as of today, chapter seven is complete.
Speaker 1:The first the first yeah, We've got chapter one through seven and over the next few days, eight, nine and then 10, who knows, it may be 11 and 12. But these are pages out of my life just this morning. I was just talking to Rob earlier about how I felt the Lord leading me to be more vulnerable than transparent and why I'm writing certain chapters. It's awesome.
Speaker 1:The chapter is about overcoming cravings. This chapter I wrote today about letting it come to you, about not chasing what God wants to reward you with so much I can't wait to share with you guys. So thank you all for hanging out with us. This is incredible. Thank you, sweetheart.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:For hanging out Anything, any closing parting words you'd like to.
Speaker 3:One quick thing is just a challenge to the ladies, to the wives Take the next 30 days, draw like a woman of understanding, draw the wisdom out of your husband about his vision for you guys' life together, his personal vision. Write it down and pray over it and tell us in the comments how that went.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, and the book yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:The masculine journey.
Speaker 1:The masculine journey.
Speaker 3:Let us know how you guys enjoy.
Speaker 1:There will be a quiz. All right, hold on. Robin Hector, do you guys remember the four stages? Do you guys remember I'll listen to you, wife, and some of the Holy Spirit? That is not. With that being said, this is life in the wild. Remember, like, share, subscribe, not to make me popular, famous. It's not about me. We're doing this right now. No one's paying us to do this. We're investing in this because we believe in the mission God has placed us on to be examples and models for other people who need that.
Speaker 1:I want you to share this also with someone else. We've often lamented and talked about man. We need a space that's safe for us, someone who understands us, and you talk to people who are doing what they're doing. You want to know how did you get there? How are you doing this?
Speaker 1:Well, this space has been curated to answer some of those questions and to get behind the scenes a bit, to go a little bit deeper, to tell you the things that most people don't want you to know. Most people aren't trying to sit and cry, reminiscing the times of pain and talking about grieving and all the different. That's not something people necessarily find exciting, but for us, because we're tapped into purpose. It's exhilarating. I feel great right now and I want to share this with you, and I'd love it if you would share it with someone else who needs it. And, yeah, I'm excited about this. Thank you, baby. I appreciate you being here. Thank you, hector, thank you Rob, thank you for being here with us. Life in the Wild podcast exceptional people, exceptional callings, living an exceptional lifestyle. God bless you.